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Coffee and Vinegar
by sunny_santa_fe (sunny_santa_fe)
at May 13th, 2006 (12:19 am)

Okay - toast, Maddie, hairclips, plants, and Kleenex? These were the most random five words EVER. But I totally got them all in there.


            Idina rapped on the door, squinting at the peephole with sleepy eyes.  She yawned loudly, grasping her coffee tightly in hand. “Kristin…..” she whined through the door, before knocking again.


            The door swung open and Kristin answered, grinning. “Good morning!”


            Idina stared down at the blonde in disbelief. “How are you so awake?”


            Kristin shrugged and dragged Idina into her apartment, shutting the door behind her. “Thank you so much for doing this, Dee, really.”


            Idina just yawned and placed her coffee down on the counter.


            Kristin was slipping her jacket on. “Normally, I’d never ask you to come over this early, but Maddie hasn’t been feeling so great lately, and I’d just feel much better if she wasn’t alone all day.”


            Idina nodded, leaning on the counter. She glanced at the clock above Kristin’s stove that currently read 7:01 AM. She groaned. “The things I do for you, woman.”


            Kristin grinned widely, prancing over to Idina. She leaned up and placed a quick kiss on Idina’s lips. She pulled away, still smiling, and reached up, tugging on Idina’s black beanie. “I love you. I should be back around three.”


            Idina lazily leaned forward and captured Kristin’s lips again with her own. “Love you too,” she murmured against Kristin’s lips.


            A quiet ping interrupted them and Kristin pulled away, rushing over to the counter. She pulled down a plate and placed on it the two pieces of toast that had just popped up in the toaster. Idina stumbled over, yawning again, and wrapped her arms around Kristin’s waist from behind, leaning her head on Kristin’s shoulder. “For me?”


            “For you,” Kristin said, laughing, “I figured if I let you make your own you’d burn the apartment down.”


            “I should probably resent that,” Idina muttered, “But I can’t argue with someone who is making me toast.”


            “Toast and strawberry jelly,” Kristin corrected, showing Idina the jar. Idina grinned.


            “I don’t even remember ever telling you I liked strawberry jelly.”


            “Idina, you complain that I don’t have it every morning after you stay over. I kind of figured it out my own.”


            Idina just chuckled, burying her head in Kristin’s neck. “I’ve got an idea. Why don’t you blow off the photo shoot, make some more toast for yourself, and then we can go lay in that lovely, comfortable bed of yours and eat and kiss and sleep…”


            Kristin laughed and turned in to Idina’s embrace. “I can not blow off this photo shoot. And you better not go eat this toast in that lovely, comfortable bed of mine. I’ll be sleeping on crumbs for the next month.”


            Idina shrugged and placed a kiss on Kristin’s forehead. “Your loss. Me and Maddie will just curl up in the bed together without you then, won’t we Maddie?”


            Idina turned to the small dog that was curled up on her bed near the couch. The dog’s ears perked up and Idina walked over to her, crouching down and rubbing softly between her ears, grinning at the little pink bow hair clip Kristin had put on top of her head. “Poor Maddie, are you not feeling so good, little girl?”


            Maddie laid her head on her paws, shutting her eyes as Idina’s patted her. When Idina looked up, Kristin was watching them, grinning. “What?”


            Kristin shrugged but the smile didn’t leave her face as she gathered up her purse and grabbed a bottle of water.


            Idina watched her, amused. “Why are you smiling like a hyena?”


            Kristin walked over and placed a kiss on Idina’s lips before placing a light kiss on the top of Maddie’s head. “I just like watching you interact with her. It’s cute. You talk to her in the baby voice.”


            “I do not!” Idina said, standing up and walking Kristin to the door. Kristin laughed.


            “Yes you do. It’s cute,” Kristin opened her front door. “Thank you again for doing this Dee. I know it’s silly to worry so much about a dog…”


            Idina waved her hand in dismissal. “It’s fine. Go, go. I’ll eat my toast and jelly and watch over Princess Maddie. You go and get your picture taken.”


            Kristin grinned. “Okay. I’ll be back later. Don’t destroy my apartment, Menzel.”


            With that she placed another kiss on Idina’s cheek and then winked before leaving. Idina shut the door quietly behind her and turned to Maddie, who was watching her. “Guess it’s just me and you then, little girl.”


            Maddie cocked her head.


            Idina smiled and grabbed her coffee and the plate of toast, which Kristin had already spread jelly on. Idina laughed quietly to herself as she brought it over to the coffee table, plopping down on Kristin’s big, white couch. She picked up the remote and turned the TV on, flipping through the channels.


            “Nothing is on, Maddie,” Idina complained as she went through channel by channel. Maddie got up from her bed and trotted over to Idina. Idina grinned down at her. “Don’t give me that Maddie face. I’m not giving you any toast.”


            Maddie just sat, staring up at her expectantly. Idina bit her lip before breaking off a tiny piece of crust and giving it to the tiny white dog. “That’s it. Your mom would kill me if she knew.”


            Idina finally settled on a morning talk show and leaned back into the couch, chewing mindlessly on her toast and sipping her coffee as the perky hosts droned on about house plants and the benefits of putting them in certain rooms.


            Idina rolled her eyes at the talk and licked a bit of jelly off her finger. Maddie watched her diligently. “Whatcha looking at, little girl?”


            Maddie sniffed. Idina quirked an eyebrow and looked back at the TV.


            “Now Joe, studies have shown that having a house plant in a room really lightens the atmosphere and genuinely puts people in better moods, as well as adds tremendously to the home décor, of course…”


            Idina scoffed and looked at Maddie. “My house plants always die, Maddie. I really doubt that adds to my home décor…”


            Maddie lost interest in Idina and walked back over to her bed. Idina snorted. “Fine then, Maddie. Don’t talk to me.”


            Idina reached over and grabbed her coffee, bringing it to her lips and taking a sip. She swallowed when suddenly a loud explosion from outside caused her to jump, startled. She watched, horrified and almost in slow motion, as the Starbucks cup tumbled from her hand and somersaulted through the air.


            “Shit!” she yelled as the coffee landed next to her. She grabbed the cup and looked down in horror at the massive, spreading brown stain on Kristin’s pure white couch.


            “Shit!” she yelled again and jumped up, slapping her forehead. “Shit, fuck, shit!”


            Maddie looked up, a bored expression on her face.


            Idina bolted to the kitchen and turned on the sink, searching frantically for a towel. She opened her cell phone as she opened the cabinets, holding down “2”.


            She cradled the phone between her shoulder and her ear. The phone rang twice before someone picked up. “Hello?”


            “Mom!” Idina yelled frantically as she pulled a towel out and ran it under the water. “I need help!”


            There was a quick pause before her mother anxiously answered, “Are you okay, Idina? Is Taye okay? What’s wrong?”


            Idina wrung the towel out. “I spilt coffee on Kristin’s couch!”


            There was another pause. “Idina, are you drunk?”


            “What? No!”


            “Then what in the world are you talking about?”


            Idina groaned as she bolted back over to the couch. “I spilt a cup of coffee on Kristin’s couch. How the fuck do you clean up coffee so it doesn’t stain?”


            “Watch your mouth. What color couch is it?”


            Idina began scrubbing at the coffee stain. “White.”


            “Oh honey, that isn’t good.”


            Idina groaned. “I know that, mom! That’s why I need your help!”


            “First of all, don’t start rubbing it with a towel. That’ll just make it worse.”


            Idina froze. “Shit.”


            Her mom sighed on the other end of the line. “Start by blotting the stain.”


            Idina stared blankly down at the massive brown spot. “Blotting?”


            “Pat it, Idina.”


            “Oh,” Idina said, patting softly at the coffee. Her mother sighed again.


            “How in the world do you manage to even run your home?”


            “I don’t, mother,” Idina said between gritted teeth as she concentrated on patting out the stain, “Taye does.”


            “You’re using cold water, right?”


            “I think so,” Idina answered.




            “What? I think it’s cold. It’s definitely not hot. Luke warm, at best.”


            “You can use vinegar, too, to get it out. Or if she has any kind of upholstery stain remover, try that.”


            “Vinegar? You want me to put vinegar on the couch, on top of the coffee?”


            “Vinegar is fantastic at removing stains, Idina.”


            Idina dropped the towel and ran over to Kristin’s hall closet, where she knew she kept some cleaning supplies. Idina grabbed a red spray bottle. “Can I use Resolve?”


            Her mother groaned. “That’s for carpets, Idina.”


            Idina shoved it back in the closet and pulled out another can. “Lysol isn’t a stain remover, right?”


            “Idina, you must be adopted. There is no way you are my daughter…”


            “Mom! I need help here, Kristin is going to kill me…”


            Her mother laughed. “There is no way that sweet, adorable woman is going to kill you.”


            Idina scoffed, finally pulling out a bottle of stain remover that had a couch on the label. “Don’t let her size fool you. She’s deadly.”


            Idina ran back over to the couch, where Maddie was sniffing at the stained couch. “Maddie, no, shoo! Go back to your bed!”


            “Who are you talking to?”


            “The dog,” Idina muttered as she sprayed the couch with the remover. “I found stuff, it says to spray and let it sit for 5 minutes before blotting again with a wet wash cloth.”


            “Well, there you go.”


            “You were absolutely no help, mother.”


            Her mom chuckled. “I love you too, sweet heart.”


            Idina rolled her eyes. “Goodbye, mom.”


            Her mom laughed loudly and hung up. Idina tossed her phone to the side, looking at Maddie. “Aren’t moms the worst, little girl?”


            Maddie tilted her head to the side. Idina finished spraying the spot and sat back on her knees, staring at the now pale brown mess. “Well, not your mom, Maddie. You’ve got the most beautiful, wonderful mommy in the world, don’t you? She’s also going to be the maddest mommy in the world when she comes home and sees her couch.”


            Idina remembered how Kristin warned her not to destroy anything. She looked over at the dog who was sitting next to her, also staring at the couch. “This probably counts as destroying something, doesn’t it?”


            Maddie wagged her tail, the little bow in her head slipping slightly. Idina sighed and glanced at the clock, counting down until she had to blot the stain again.





            “I’m home!”


            Idina swallowed at the sound of the door opening and shutting.  She got up slowly from where she been perched in the rocking chair by the window and dragged her feet to the kitchen, where Kristin was standing.


            Idina slowly looked at the blonde, with her hair thrown into a sleek pony tail and remnants of make up Kristin would never normally wear still on her cheeks. Kristin tossed her jacket to the side and stood on her toes, kissing Idina softly.  She wrapped her arms around Idina’s waist.


            “How did it go? How’s Maddie?”


            Idina swallowed, hugging the blonde back weakly. “Um, Kristin…”


            Kristin let go at the tone of Idina’s voice and looked up at her, curiously. Idina cleared her throat.


            “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”


            Idina nodded, wringing her hands together. Kristin paled considerably.


            “Something happened to Maddie?” she squeaked, a look of panic already apparent on her face. Idina’s eyes widened.


            “No, no! Maddie’s fine!”


            Kristin exhaled, some of the color returning. “Then what happened?”


            Idina bit her lip, nervously. “Remember when you said not to destroy anything?”


            A look of suspicion crossed Kristin’s face as she attempted to peer around Idina, looking for damage. “What did you do, Dee?”


            “I tried to fix it, honest!” Idina said as she held out her arms to stop Kristin from entering the other room.


            Kristin ducked under Idina’s outstretched arms and walked in to the living room, glancing around. “I don’t see any broken glass or holes in the wall.”


            “That’s because I didn’t break any glass or put any holes in the wall.”


            “Then what did you do?” Kristin asked, turning to face Idina, her hands on her hips.


            “Promise you won’t be mad?”


            Kristin waited, expectantly. Idina sighed and walked over to the couch. She shut her eyes and pointed towards it.


            She listened rather than watched as Kristin made her way over, her heels clapping against her hardwood floors. She heard a little gasp.


            “I told you I destroyed it.”


            There was silence before she heard a choked sound coming from the blonde. Idina’s stomach turned. Did she make Kristin cry? It was just a stain!

            She pried one eye opened and looked at Kristin, who was doubled over, shoulders shaking. Idina hesitantly reached over and touched her shoulder lightly. “Kris, honey, I’m sorry, I’ll buy you a new couch, I promise…”


            Kristin straightened up, tears streaming down her face, and much to Idina’s surprise, a huge grin on her face. Idina sighed in relief as she realized Kristin was laughing rather than crying.


            “Why are you laughing? I destroyed your couch.”


            Kristin caught her breath. “Oh, darling, you didn’t destroy this couch, you annihilated this couch.”


            Idina grinned sheepishly and reached over, grabbing a Kleenex out of the box sitting on a side table. She leaned over and patted some of the tears off Kristin’s cheeks. “I’m sorry.”


            Kristin grinned for a moment before laughing again, pointing at the stain. “What the hell is that, Idina?”




            “How much coffee?”


            Idina bit her lip. “Well, it was a Grande, but it was only about 3/4th filled, because I had drank some, so I’d say more like a Tall.”


            Kristin shook her head. “Oh, Idina…”


            “I tried to clean it up. I blotted it and everything.”


            Kristin torn her eyes from the stain and looked up at Idina. “Did you try vinegar?”


            Idina groaned. “How the fuck does everyone know that? Am I the only woman who didn’t know that apparently vinegar takes out stains?”


            Kristin just shrugged, smiling. “It doesn’t matter anyway, darling. I was planning on getting a new couch anyway.”


            Idina tilted her head. “Really?”


            Kristin paused. “No, actually, I wasn’t planning to at all. But now this gives me a good reason to, right?”


            Idina’s cheeks flushed. “I’m sorry, really. I’ll buy you another couch.”


            Kristin waved her hand. “You absolutely will not.”


            “But I destr – annihilated your couch! The least I can do is buy you another one.”


            “You aren’t buying me another couch, Dee! Now shush about that.”


            Idina felt horrible. “Well, let me do something at least to make it up to you.”


            Kristin turned towards her, a slight smirk on her face. “Oh yeah? Like what?”


            Idina shrugged and reached out, grabbing Kristin’s hands. “Anything! Anything you want!”


            Kristin smiled and pulled in close to Idina, placing a soft kiss on her neck. “I can think of a few things you could do to make it up to me. Things that involve me, you, and that lovely, comfortable bed you like so much…”


            Idina looked down, her lips curled in amusement. “Alright, I was thinking more like dinner, but that works for me too…”


            Kristin raised her eyebrow and Idina leaned down, kissing her. “You sure you aren’t mad?”


            Kristin licked her lips and Idina inhaled sharply. “I’m sure. Now take me into that bedroom and make it up to me before I change my mind.”


            Idina grinned and swiftly pulled the giggling blonde towards the bedroom.



Posted by: sunny_santa_fe (sunny_santa_fe)
Posted at: May 14th, 2006 12:42 am (UTC)

Taye TOTALLY runs the house. He must. There is no way Idina does. She is just too spazzy to run a house. I mean, she's Idina!

I'm glad you liked it! I'm glad the words didn't like pop off the page screaming, "Look at me, I don't belong". That's the worst thing ever. Thank you so much, darling!

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